Thursday, November 24, 2011

raw turkey

AAAHHHHHHHHHHH

I am not really sure where the A should stop and the H should start, but i hope you get the message.

I am sitting here, at work, alone feeling like a raw turkey while Kim is with the boys and "people she loves."  Hearing those words stabbed my heart and writing them is bringing a vomit filled migraine if i don't get it under control or release these emotions because I am not one of the people there.

I have had enough of this.  I am trying to love Kim even though she has begun to create a new life and does not want me to love her.  It seems like she is trying to get me to give her reasons at every turn to justify her decisions.

We just need to learn to co-parent she says.  I agree, but my method would be a little different...ya know, like deal with our personal issues that have haunted us for our entire lives, learn to feel real emotions, and work like crazy to love and respect the other.

We will be giving our boys a legacy of divorce and pain.  I know you don't really want to do that Kim.

You didn't intentionally lie to me when you said for better or worse, I know you believed it but yet you are walking away because it is easier than to deal with your past.  Kim, why don't you see this is our worse.  Our better (and best) is yet to come if we fight this out.

We can fight this out, instead of fighting each other, and our entire lives will be better because of it.  Parenting will be more fulfilling, our jobs will be more rewarding, volunteering will bring happiness, our relationship with God will be filled with peace, joy, and contentment.

Divorce will bring us painful things like shame, guilt, and regret.

Kim please just stop for a minute and see that we can do this.  Stop and see that you are just running from the pain inside you.  Stop and see that I am here to help you through this.  Please Kim, stop and see.  Please.

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