Saturday, July 20, 2013

I dream

I dream

I dream about being a part of something bigger than myself, about watching the boys turn into unstoppable men, about writing a book, about getting a doctorate, about being debt free, about changing the world we are a part of for good, about loving a woman well and being known deeply by her

I dream of adventure, about not being satisfied with the mundane of life, but rising above and taking the joy that lives in each day.  

Oh do I dream, and as I learn my way, I will achieve these dreams with stories that I hope will fill my grandchildren with fascination and wonderment of what they can do. 

What do you dream about?

Monday, July 15, 2013

So much to pray for

I am lying in my tent wide away at 12:20.  I know the boys will be up at first light when the noises of the campground welcome them to a new day. I know I will be dragging myself up to follow them out the door. 

My mind is moving at a crazy speed and  God is knocking at my hearts door.  Sleep won't come for a while. 

I have asked God to show me each boys greatest need, how I can fill it, and what I can be doing to prepare each of them for the calling in their live. 

Last March, I began to pray not that my boys would be protected and safe, but that they would be dangerous and live lives full of adventure. I began to pray that God would use the to shake the walls of Hell. 

I believe God will use them this way.  Each boy is unique but God is building a story in each one of them. They are little men, little men who make me proud. 

Satan wants to destroy them now while they are young, so my prayers and actions are so crucial.  Speaking peace to their hearts and shining the light of truth where darkness attempts it's hostile takeover. 

I look forward to see them grow older, and to see how God answers my prayer. 

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

When my heart gets heavy

When my heart gets heavy I head to Lake Michigan after dark.  With no sunshine to attract people it is a place of solitude, a place where I hear God.  Well, a place I hear God after I am done yelling and freely letting out my emotions. 

Tonight was no different, my heavy heart, heavy from what a friend has experienced and my own transference of the story, need relief. I needed to meet with God in that place. 

Questions of how and why and when flowed out as soon as I reached the shoreline. 

But there was no answer. Even the normal view of the lake was not there because I left my headlights on and the water looked cloudy. 

I ran out of time and said "God just teach me" and turned around back towards my car. 

My eyes normally would have adjusted by this point but my headlights had ruined all that.  Ruined it to the point that I could not see 5 feet in front of me, only the shining headlights ahead of me. 

"Step by step" is what was spoken to my soul. "You can look up and see the end goal, but you have to go step by step."

Once again, I entered into solitude with a heavy heart, and left encountering the Living God. 

Tuesday, July 09, 2013

Parts of me

There is a part of me that is has deep sadness. 

There is a part of me that is hopeful. 

There is a part of me that is lonely. 

There is a part of me that wants to be alone and able to do it all with out needing anybody. 

There is a part of me that wants to be lives without fear of rejection. 

There is a part of me that fears I will never be good enough. 

There is a part of me that is filled with angst. 

Today, I find myself in between where I was and where I am going. I am not in that same place, but I have yet to reach the final destination of my journey.

It is in the journey though that I have begun to be able to hear the parts of me...and admit that they are there...admit that I have flaws and needs. 

The beauty from my journey is that as I learn to admit my flaws and needs I can ask forgiveness and for assistance.  I can grow.  The most beautiful part of it though is that I can rest knowing I am loved by God. 

And so today, as I look at the parts of me, I am asking to be brought closer to him because my needs are great for any person or role to fill. 

God please come near.