Monday, November 28, 2011

a certain pain

There is a certain pain in my heart.  Pains actually.  There are pieces of my childhood I would rather much forget.  Pieces that I have done so much to forget in every way possible.
There are wounds that run so deep in the core of my heart that they have shaped who I have become.
...and God has stripped me of all my coping methods in order to expose my deepest wounds.  He wants me to face them so he can heal me from them.  It is almost like he is taking his finger and pressing into these wounds to remind me they are there, just so I cannot claim ignorance any longer.
I still don't want to face them, but in order to have my heart I must.  I don't want this pain but in order to be rid of it and be the man I was created to be I must endure this. 
The man I was created to be...the husband who recklessly loves...the father who encourages and trains...the friend filled with care and compassion...all of this and more is on the line.
The stakes are high in this battle.  Lord, please make me strong and courageous.

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