Monday, December 15, 2014

Just things I don't understand

It is good for me to experience things I would rather not. It keeps me humble by reminding me I don't know everything and that I don't have all the answers. 

I can pursue an inward journey of understanding but until a situation in life where I don't have the answer arrives, I will travel at my own comfortable speed. 

I can attempt to learn and understand a person, even psychoanalyze them as I listen and read their nonverbals, but until they act, I am really only guessing. 

Conflict, loneliness, disappointment, heartache, fatigue, anger, depression, doubt, shame, and fear are all things I would rather not experience. 

But what if all those negative emotions are really good for me? What if without sadness I can't have the happiness I want? What if without loneliness I can't understand togetherness and partnerships?  What if without tears I won't every really be able to smile?  What if without horrific endings I won't be able to recognize the beautiful beginnings?

"What is today, will not always be."  It is a statement I have made so many times as I have looked forward to better days, but it is true in the opposite as well. 

There will be bad days. There will be hard days. There will be painful days. There will be days I would rather forget. There will be people leaving my life even though I think they are valuable. And there will be death. 

There will be things I don't want at all, and sometimes for reasons I don't deserve or understand at all. 

But, there will be good!  There is beauty. There is laughter. There is music and dancing. There is love. There is delighting in the presence of another person.  There is simply being. 

There will be the things I long for, and sometimes for reasons I don't deserve or understand at all. 

But there it is, life, good and bad. Life is calling. 

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