Kim asked the other day to take the boys to Michigan's Adventure this coming Tuesday.
Sounds fun, right? Not to me...my thoughts quickly went to it being my day and I wasn't happy she was trying to screw with the schedule. That was all the surface emotion though. Here is the deeper thoughts and reasons as I later confessed to a friend.
"Sounding like fun is part of the reason I want to say no to her. I know it is a lie that leads me to think this but I already struggle with her being the fun parent. Pure selfishness wants me to tell her to take them on her own day."
Did you see it in there? I am afraid the boys will love her more than me. I am afraid they will choose her or defer to her when given the chance. I am afraid of not having enough influence in their lives because they have a choice.
My friend's reply could have been more empathetic, but the sharp bluntness is what I needed. "Trust God and put your children first."
I was willing to let my fears lead to actions that would have kept the boys from a special day with their mother. A special day that in all reality they need to have with her. Keeping them away certainly would not have been putting they boys first.
As for the fears themselves, yes those things are all real possibilities. That is where the exhortation to trust God is so important. God works in ways I do not understand. The mystery of his plans is part of what should lead us to worship Him. God often interrupts our plans and takes us down a path so much different that what we had hoped for. I remember saying last fall that the God's glory would most greatly be shown if Kim and I were reconciled. I was looking at an act though and not a lifestyle. The hunger I have to know God and the sensitivity I am gaining to the prompting of the Holy Spirit are creating a lifestyle that will be much further reaching that just one piece of a story.
Looking back, I should have no reason to doubt or to live crippled by my fears. I have not gone without food or lodging, have experienced great personal growth and healing (though there is more to come), have been surrounded by great friends and renewed relationships with my family. I even believe there is a beautiful woman that God has for me to partner with and that we will propel each other into greater holiness. Looking back, I have many reasons to trust, many reasons to lay down my fears. Many
My friend's words also reminded me of Proverbs 3...let me know what you think of it.
My son, do not forget my teaching,
but let your heart keep my commandments, for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you.
Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.
Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce; then your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will be bursting with wine.
My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof,
for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights. (Proverbs 3:1-12 ESV)
3 comments:
Well said, Rob. Your courage to speak the truth allows others to lay themselves bare before the God we serve. Blessings!
Rob - glad to hear that you were able to obey and allow God's truth to be your guide. I'm sure you know this but get ready, your next "opportunity" will certainly be coming soon. What we are called to is "a long obedience in the same direction" (also the title of a great book). Hang in there my friend - He is able...
Rick, I laughed because you sounded a little like Cal and Dennis with the word "opportunity" and how that really means doing something that a) we don't really want to do or b) something that doesn't come natural to us.
There was a sermon back in February that Bill Rudd preached having to do with a long obedience in the same direction and made mention that it was a book. I forget who writes it but I take it you have read it.
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