God is God

I was late to work this morning because I was trying to look just right today.  I did my hair a couple times, put on a few different shirts, found the best socks and debated over my shoes much longer than I normally do.

I was trying to install confidence in myself and in my appearance hoping that it will sway the judge’s decision today in my favor.

I even stood in front of the mirror to give myself approval, or at least hoped I could…but the more I tried to look within myself for the answer to my anxiousness and to calm my fears of what could happen or go wrong, the more anxious I became, and now I was 30 minutes late.

All this was in my subconscious at this point, I never said to myself, I need this because I want to feel confident going into today.  I never said, what I can do is good enough to get the outcome I want.  That is what I was thinking though.

I didn’t realize until I was in my car, still restless and anxious about today even though I had asked God for peace about it, what I was really doing.

I expected peace to come over me quickly, but the truth is, I wanted peace by knowing that the outcome will be what I want.  That peace wasn’t coming, and God’s presence wasn’t being felt.  I knew I had to change my prayer.  I had to ask where my sin was that was keeping his presence away from me.

It was then, when the Holy Spirit showed me, that I saw my sin was that I trusting in myself and not trusting in my Creator.

A quick confession and then the peace came.  God is in control.  Despite what may happen in court today, God is in control, and he has plans for me.