Discipline

It is time for me to enter a new phase of my life. Beginning today, I am going to become disciplined in the areas where I lack.

In order to do this I must first start by acknowledging the areas where I am weak. Honestly, this will be easy. I do not have to look too far into my life to see areas where I need to grow.

I am going to write these down and hand them to a few friends.

I will also be telling handing them my plan on how to grow in these areas.

My journey will be full of small goals, and when the goals become victories, I will celebrate.

I won't be giving up on these things either, they will become a part of me. Don't get me wrong, I will fail, but I will carry on. The reward is worth getting back up and starting again.

This journey will be difficult, because it will be about me becoming. There will be a part of my life that I will have to face and willingly lay down. It has to be done though.

Please pray for me along this journey. I need it.

Into a place that once was lost

Navigating the waters of brokenness is a difficult task for somebody who yearns for another the way I do. It is my desire to be filled by another in a tangible way...to have my level of worth be established by them, by her.

I fear, I disapprove of myself, of my ambitions and dreams. I doubt.

I look for encouragement and approval. I dream of being loved despite my ever present faults.

How much if me is wrapped up in feeding myself or creating an environment where I can be fed.

This angst points to needing a redeemer...it points to the dark places inside of me.

But I take heart knowing that in the asking for the redeemer to come that redemption is near. I take heart in knowing that even the darkest of darks is light to him.

I take heart in knowing there is one that has overcome.

Detachment

Why bring me to this place, why create this heartbreak if you are not going to speak to me, if you are not going to heal me from what holds me back from being what you created me to be

I grow tired of sitting in this desert. I grow tired of the detachment of my idols. The evil places inside of me seek a safe comfortable place.

Come speak to me, come satisfy my deepest longings. Come soothe me with your presence. Let me know your peace.