Sunday, December 30, 2012


I think I did well with my 2012 resolution. Most certainly better than any other resolution of my past. I resolved to learn to forgive. It turns out forgiveness is a continual process that at its core is derived from love. Forgiving is painful and freeing at the same time. Forgiving is letting somebody close enough to you and risking that they will hurt you again. Forgiving is complicated.

I have many to forgive still and many layers of forgiveness that need to be applied to others. Progress was made. Lots of it.

As I will share with friends in 24 hours, I will declare my intentions to spend 2013 finding my identity. I will embrace my being the beloved. I will break free from the chains of codependency. I will no longer listen to the lies of self rejection.

This is no small task, it will take a journey to places deep inside me, places that need to be redeemed by Jesus, but it will be worth it all.

I am so looking forward to 2013!

Sunday, December 23, 2012

i am a child of God

i cannot remember a christmas that i have been more excited about than this christmas.

strike that, i cannot remember ever really being excited about christmas.

dont get me wrong, there were always moments of christmas past that i really enjoyed but there has always been a sense of brokenness that has stolen my excitement.  while i dont remember many things from my childhood, i can remember when this brokenness first showed up and i know it has plagued me since.

even though the voices of the brokenness in my life has increased, there is a voice that is even louder speaking to me.

it is the voice of my creator whispering words of love and affirmation to me, calling to me, filling the empty parts of my heart.

after our forefathers decided to do things their way, God set his plan of redemption in place...and maybe it was already there before we were created.  either way, when we broke ourselves and made it impossible for us to commune with our creator, God provided a way back for us.

the christmas story really starts there, when we first sinned.  the angels proclaimed it to the sheperds, "peace on earth, goodwill toward men"  the holy one came down to reconcile us to him.  he came to redeem.  he came to restore what had been lost.

redemption, restoration, reconciliation

i want these things in all areas of my life, and even though there are some ways that restoration is just not possible, new life CAN come from what has died.

when i started to listen, i began to hear something different than the voices of the world, i began to hear something different that my self rejection screaming at me.  i began to hear the voice of God tell me that i am loved, that he came down next to me to pick me up and restore me.

the voices of self rejection are still strong, but there is a greater voice, it is the voice of redemption, restoration, and reconciliation.  it is the voice of my creator tell me of my worth, telling me that i am a child of God.

christmas is exciting to me this year because we celebrate the beginning of God's biggest act of love, because we celebrate God's plan of redemption for mankind as he reconciles us back to him so that our relationship can be restored.  we celebrate because through God's son Jesus we can once again be told that we are his child, his beloved.

there isnt any bit of brokenness that is bigger than that.

Tuesday, December 04, 2012

Ghandi and Jesus

I learned very early in life that when talking religion that Jesus is normally the correct answer.

While I learned this in a Baptist church in Grand Haven, it turns out that I would have learned this at most gathering places (even the, gasp, Catholic ones)

The other day I bought this piece of wall art. As soon as I saw it I was drawn to it. Many words, many colors, many fonts, many little quips.

Today is a new day, you can start fresh, wipe the slate clean, begin again
Embrace kindness
Practice compassion
Stand up for justice
Talk to strangers
Ask for help
Listen with your whole heart
Offer hope
Work for the common good
Live well
Be the change you wish to see in the world

It is a powerful piece that I proudly am hanging in my kitchen as a reminder to me and a conversation piece to all who see it, including my 8 year old

I later found out that "be the change you wish to see in the world" is a quote made famous by Ghandi.

With or without Ghandi saying those words, a person should ask themselves, "what change do I wish to see in the world?"

I want to see Gods redemption and restoration that comes through Jesus. More simply I want to see Jesus

Maybe I am over thinking this here, but I think it is pretty cool that Ghandi is encouraging me to be like Jesus.