what is next.
when is next.
who is next.
where is next.
i am in a bit of a fog and my restless heart doesnt it like it. deep inside i long for security. i long for safety. i long to be known.
so just like the many sunday afternoons of the past 18 months, i find myself at work. i am filling my time with studying new products, music videos, admiring rembrandt's artwork through a computer, watching sports scores, and tying up loose ends to customers needs.
but in all of this, i am talking with my Creator as well. asking these same questions and hoping today is the day i am quiet and still enough to hear his answer.
there are certain things i know about my future, but there are just as many things i now about today.
scattered across my desk are little notes, definition to words, and scripture i have posted.
"love wins"
"die to yourself"
"you are the God who works wonders; you have made known your might among the peoples" psalm 77:14
"love - unselfish, loyal, and benevolent concern for the good of another"
"cherish - 1a) to hold dear, feel or show affections for 1b) to keep or cultivate with care and affection, to nuture 2) to entertain or harbor in the mind deeply and resolutely"
"partnerships are formed when both people believe that a greater benefit lies in uniting energies, talents, and resources than in remaining separate."
there is a good many thought provoking notes i have at my desk, positioned with purpose as well. the note that got me today though was my checklist. the checklist with 13 words on it, positioned in 5 rows. the checklist that when i can check all of them off, i will know the next season in life will be here. these 13 words look like this:
finances
personal healing
personal growth
becoming highly disciplined
learning to submit to God
several months ago, my friend nick wagenmaker spoke to my restless heart. he didnt know about my list, but he did know i had experienced a great deal of brokenness. he likened my life to one who had major surgery. he told me to rest and heal. slow down. you dont have a major surgery and get up like nothing ever happened. "rob, you are in recovery." his point was taken.
as i listened this evening, i looked over at my list, and God reminded me to stay in this moment. He brought the surgery/recovery talk with nick back to mind, and showed me where i am now. i am out of surgery. i am out of critical condition, i am almost out of recovery, but i have to pass physical therapy first. God reminded me to not worry about what is next, but to focus on today. focus on becoming stronger.
recovery was a season of healing.
today is a season of growth.
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