3 questions

I threw down 3 questions to him.  I wanted to say so much more, and to encourage him to press on. I wanted to say there is a light at the end of the tunnel and the fight is worth it. 

Less than a week later he told me he was moving out. 

I was bummed to hear this. I mean, really bummed. This guy is awesome. This gal is a sweetheart. There were times they were really good together. They have a kid together.  But life got in the way and it looks like the final chapter is being penned right now. 

But what if they had these 3 questions before?  What if they were put into practice a year ago?  How will these 3 questions change their future relationships?  How will they change yours?

Question 1:  what are you doing to care for yourself?

Question 2:  what are you doing to care for the other person?

Question 3:  what are you doing to care for the relationship?

I thought I was pretty clever with these 3 questions.  They shoot right to the heart of the matter but an honest evaluation opens the door to so much more.  

The question.

The question hit me hard...

"Are your actions because you are trying to get something from them or because you want to help them be all they can be."

Whatever the relationship, this question can be asked. 

I hope that as I evaluate, I find where I have been selfish so I can then take steps to remedy that selfishness.   

Run that race

Sunday I had a friend run a half marathon.  She started training right about the time that we met and it was a topic of conversation many times over the last 6 months. Watching her progress was nothing short of awesome and I am not only really excited for her but I am also greatly inspired.  

See, part of the story that makes this awesome is that her body basically wants to kill her but she pressed on anyways. Her body hates the extreme cold, but she ran outside this past winter because that is what the training called for.  She decided she was not going to give in to the justifications she could make, and she ran. She decided many times over, I am going to finish this race. 

As a matter of fact, she gave me a real living example of Hebrews 12:1. 

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us

As I was getting ready for the day on Sunday and as my friend was running, a lying voice came to me saying, "She is better than you, you don't finish anything.  You can't run a race.  You won't finish your book.  This men's retreat you are planning is going to flop.  You don't even have the lesson finished you are supposed to teach in an hour.  You are not good enough."  I almost gave into it, but I remembered my friend running and Hebrews 12.  

This message was not true to me, nor are the lies in your life true. 

The truth in my life is that there are many "races" I am running well right now, personal growth, personal discipline, emotional healing, financial healing, spiritual disciplines, celibacy, and those are just a few!  

I have a feeling the same is true in your life, that you have many races that you are running well.  I would love to hear about them. 

And let's all be like my friend, giving ourselves grace while cutting out the justifications while being living examples of Hebrews 12 in the races we are running. 

The most importants

I have spent the better part of the last two days in my house, essentially detached from normal life. No texting or Facebooking, no customer calls, no need to be showered by any certain time. 

And it was great!

While this staycation wasn't planned, it was rather impromptu because Liam got sick, it was one of the most relaxing things I have done in a while. And dare I say, one of the most valuable.  

There are two reasons I felt this isolation from normal life was so valuable, and they probably won't surprise you when I say them. 

The first was that slowing down and just being with my boys was good medicine for all of us. There was snuggles and naps, eating when we were hungry instead of by the clock, Assain's Creed IV where you get to be a pirate, and the Lord of the Rings trilogy.  This slowing allowed us to bond by doing what each other liked.  I learned that Noah is a really great problem solver because when we were stuck on a level he was able to suggest a solution that worked pretty much every time. Slowing down is good. 

The second valuable piece from this two days is one I hope I can carry with me going forward and applies to my dating life as well.  I need to remember who the most important people are in my life and invest time into them.  I have a pretty structured schedule, and there are only a few daylight hours where I have free time to give to somebody unstructured, but if they are important, I should want to give them this time. (I also need to ask if there is some structured time I can give the boot, but that is a separate thought).  Really though, if I keep my schedule busy, how will I be able to really know people 

Yeah, the last two days were so great, it has me wishing I could skip my responsibilities for tomorrow and make it day 3 of an unconnected life.