Definition

Webster defines failure as:

1a - omission of occurrence or performance
1b - a state of inability to perform a normal function or an abrupt cessation of normal functioning
1c - a fracturing or giving way under stress
2a - a lack of success
2b - a failing in business : bankruptcy
3a - a falling short : deficiency
3b - deterioration, decay
4 - one that has failed

When I talk about my fear of failure it is the 3a definition that drives my cerebral processing...emotionally though, it is my fear of being alone, uncared for, unloved, or abandoned because I am not good enough that too often drives my actions...I am only writing this factually, it is important for the rest.

The rest is that I am learning, which means I failed at knowing everything :) ...I am learning about grace, about kindness, about love, about brokenness, about the needs of people, about the person of God that exists outside the box I had put Him in...I am learning a great many things. These lessons come in many different ways and from many different people, often from unexpected people. One common truth though is these things need to be thought about and reflected on, pondered if you will. I am finding questioning what I thought to know for certain, looking at things from a different angle, is often when I learn the most

It was a Facebook post by Whitney Fowler, a friend from Mission Year, that has my mind racing right now, a post that has me questioning my definition of failure (3a).

"remember that defeats are only temporary, it's the giving up that makes them permanent"

My response was something like, "ahh, wait, I am really only failing if I give up."

For some of you, that is a no-brainer and you have lived a life full of confidence and grace but there are those of us who condemn ourselves more greatly than anybody else ever could.

Today, I will enjoy thinking, living with the truth than even if I stumble in this race of life that it does not mean I am DQed from the race my Creator intended me to be on from the beginning of time. No, stumbling means I need to get back up and press forward towards the originally purposed finish line.

If it is the giving up that makes the defeats permanent, let's all dust ourselves off and press forward towards that finish line.