a couple of dates

i am home alone tonight, wondering what i should be doing...i mean there is stuff to do, but i dont feel like doing any of them.  i could also call somebody and just say hey, i am pretty down, can we hang...i could even call somebody just to talk.

i think there is part of me that wants to be alone though.  i really need to be alone.  there is some thinking and processing and praying that i should be doing right now.

i should be doing...i have been doing that tonight...i may have even cried a little bit.

there are so many sobering tasks to do in this house still.  as i face these tasks and work through them i put a little bit of the past to rest.

tasks are not the only thing though that is sobering...so is looking at my calendar.

days that used to bring happiness will be filled with emptiness this year...and maybe for years to come...maybe forever.

i already know that i would like to fill may 5 and july 19 with mind numbing activities, like watching a tigers game.  (may 5 vs cws 305p and july 19 vs laa 105p)

june 13 fits in there as well.  that was the day i found a letter...
june 14 was always special, the day i first asked kim to be my girlfriend in 1995
july 13 is the day she decided, or at least announced to me, that we were done.

and i think i would like to skip the month of august this year...

i feel raw tonight, beat down even...maybe my bed is calling...