rules, rules, rules

i have learned i am a rules guy.  i like to play by the rules.  i like to enforce the rules.  i like the comfort that rules give to me.  (that is a statement all in itself, but i am not going to be addressing that one today, i dont think)

my desire for rules and boundaries has had me spending the last 7 to 10 days asking myself and others questions about how i should be living my life.  pointed questions, like how should i be responding to kim while going through a divorce.  how close should i let other people get to our situation.  what is my part of our marriage covenant made between us and God supposed to look like right now.  what are my friendships with single women or women going through a divorce right now supposed to look like as to still honor the promise that I made to Kim.  am i guarding and leading my heart the way i should be as a person trying to follow his Creator?  how much alcohol is ok for me to drink with people that are inviting me out (because they care about me and what to know that i am ok).  how can i be the father these boys really need to have to become strong men when i only get to see them 50% of the time.  how can i demonstrate the way they are supposed to treat their mother when they don't ever see us interact.

these questions, and many like them, are leaving me in an uncomfortable and unfamiliar spot.  i want to do what is right, i want to be who i should be.  i want to honor my God.

this morning it just came down to me sitting and talking with my God.  asking and saying "why am i not hearing from you.  i want to know these things.  i want to do what you want me to do."

i didnt get answers to any of my questions directly.  i am still confused, and without rules...

I was reminded of this from Proverbs 3 though:

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.t

I thank God for this and he reminded me of a thought from last night's service at Calvary...A long obedience in the same direction.

God has already given me the "rule" I have been looking for...and it is sad to say that He still needs to remind me of it considering how often He has told me...but there it is..."Rob, don't do this by yourself.  Trust me that I have your best interest in mind.  I created you and I know what you need.  You too often run off in your own direction when you should be running to me.  Run to me Rob.  Run to me."